Dating Bradford: Pride Points

Every year at Thanksgiving I say “Hmmm… what am I thankful for this year?” Then I make a mental list and toast some theoretical champagne and in some small way it makes me feel appreciative for all that I have.

So then Gay Pride comes around and I started thinking, “Hmmm…what the HELL am I proud of this year, I’m still single for f*ck sake?!?”

Then it occurs to me that, well, I guess it could be worse. At least my family accepts and supports me being gay. Even my conservative Republican Christian cousins have come around - and that’s saying a lot, because I’d much rather hear anti-Obama comments at the table, than anti-gay whispers behind my back. Think about how many people get ostracized from their families just because of their sexual preference? How sad is that?

So if I were tallying up points in favor of things to be proud of this year, family acceptance counts for at least one on the pride scale.

Then I thought, well, I’ve been pretty lucky in the past to have had four loving boyfriends in my life ranging from 1 to 5 years each, and I’ll be damned if I’m not going to find another one soon before my maquillage cracks off. So having the ability to love someone - especially over all the ingrained taboos around same-sex blah, blah, blah - is certainly something to be proud of. Think of all the people who can’t get over those social hurdles, or get stuck beneath a painful past? I’ve certainly dated a number of them - intimacy issues anyone?

So, as obvious as it may seem, having the capacity to share love and intimacy with another person is worth a pride point.

What about freedom of expression? I’ve got that in spades – not merely because I have this wonderful venue to write for, but the fact that I don’t have to live in the closet and can travel the world with my gay head held high. That’s something I’m proud of for sure. Think of how many people have to hide their homosexuality? How not fun is that, and where's a pink boa to dance with before the buzz-kill sets in?

So freedom of expression is certainly worth a point or two in my book.

Come to think of it, I have a lot to be proud of. The fact that I made it through fucking High School with my self-esteem at a salvageable level should win me a Tony in itself, and all the rest of us for that matter who managed not to commit suicide during those dreadful years. But how about all those troubled teens who did commit suicide - or attempted to - because they just couldn’t deal with being gay? We all could have used some pride points early on, but why does it take so long to find them?

Overcoming our own demons - not just about being gay - but about feeling, “I’m not good enough” or that we’re not capable of true self-acceptance is universally challenging. How many people do we know that struggle with low self-esteem?

Yeah, practically everyone right? Guilty here.

We should all be proud that we’re able to face those demons, because as housebroken as we make them, they never get fully tamed. Sooner or later one's going to shit on the carpet.

Being proud that we're strong enough to keep our demons leashed earns us all a premium in pride points.

It makes me wonder:

When water-skiing on the lake of life
Over whitecaps and debris our skis may find strife
What then find we when let go the rope
Make us feel proud when safe in our boat?

So I ask you: What are YOU proud of this year?

(Photo: Dot)

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Based in New York City, Bradford Noble has been an international celebrity, fashion, and advertising photographer for 15 years. His first novel called, "Dating Bradford - A Memoir" is soon to be published. Still curious? Dive into his world!

Comments

[Nate L]

I'm proud that in the past couple of years I've pushed myself past limits I thought would always be there. That I've survived in this job this long where I would get fired no questions asked if my being gay were to be revealed. I still have some more steps to go with my family being that conservative unaccepting one mentioned in your article. Just a little more time though and everything will be set right, whatever path that leads me through

[Alan Bosco Ocampo]

This year was a hard year. I am proud of a few things, but gayly speaking, I am proud that I stood tall and came out to my mother and father this year. To finally be able to tell the people I respect and love: "I am gay", was one of the most hardest things I have ever done. The fear of rejection overwhelmed me. I did not expect my religious, republican conservitive parents would be so accepting and loving about it. To hear the words, "it doesn't matter we love you and you are our son," was too much not to hold in the tears. I was proud that I crossed that line and faced it. This is why I take this year's Pride, and treat it extra special because now, I am out and proud of who I am and becoming. I don't have to be coy when my loved one's when they ask about my life. I can stand tall and proud and allow them into knowing the real me.

[Aquidneck]

I am open and proud this year because I am finally standing upto the "shallow gaymen" who abuse and treat me like shit because of my looks. I am proud to be able to tell them to go date my picture because you are more interested in my looks then me as a person.

Yes! I finally have a reason to be proud now....

[Doboi]

I think i have a great many things to be proud of. I have a wonderful accepting family, Great friends, a job that i love and am accepted for who i am, and i could keep going but i will just list a few. We should all be proud no matter what.

[CASEY]

Pride events are just a sex event every year. What an embarrasment to our culture.

[Billy and Bruce]

We have been together for 8 years,live in a simple neighborhood where people from different culture and social status live and away from the gay area.
I am so proud to be able to show these simple people how we live, introduce and educate them about the gay people , neighbors and kids knew who we are , they accepting and include us in every family party etc, and in return we invite them to our life and let them become part of our big family. some even go to gay pride with us and supporting the event.
I wish more and more gay people showing the people around them , that being gay doesnt have to be exclusive nor live out of the normal pattern.
hope more gay family or couple like us, can live and mingle with any kind of neighborhood and invite them to experience our good family .
HAPPY PRIDE DAY and be proud

[Mark]

I agree with Casey. Pride is an example of negative gay culture because gay men are nothing but whores; full of open relationships and anonymous sex.

[James]

I am proud of the hurtles I have overcome these last few years. I battled with serious depression after the death of my grandmother almost four years ago. The main part to me was that I never shared with her the fact that I was gay. I never placed enough trust in her to tell her, and that was the most depressing thing of all. I was too much of a coward to tell her something that she would have taken amazingly, because she practically raised me and loved me so much.

Having overcome the brunt of that depression is something I am proud of.

[Alex Leibowitz]

I'm not proud of anything. Why should I be?

[daft_hfx]

Pride is nothing but casual sex and drugs! It's nothing but a way for all the fats and flamers to advertise themselves. How about a Real Men Pride. Men should be men and act like men. Pride just draws attention to the flamers, drag queens, and fats, and not the real gay men out there.

[Mikey]

I think there's some confusion between pride and gratefulness. I'm thankful for a lot but, I'm sure not proud of the behavior I've witnessed at Pride events in the past. I left feeling ashamed. So i started asking my self, are straight people proud that they are straight, or simply grateful not to have to deal with the issues we as gay men face. The answer of course is no. They're sexuality is NON-issue. In the early days those type of events were necessary for acceptance, imagine where we would be without Stonewall. Since then however, it seems to have become our business to be OUT to the degree that we have to make sure everyone knows we're gay. Well that's a little contradictory to the 'I just want to be treated equally with everyone else' philosophy we preach. Listen, if we make it a point to show how drunk we can be in public, how naked we can be during parades and then say we're proud, it's time to re-examine ourselves. Pride should be an event that we can be proud of as a community by showing our accomplishments and our successes, just like everyone else. I'm proud of myself, but being gay has nothing to do with it, I'm thankful for the strides in acceptance that have been made towards us but again...there's a difference between pride and thankfulness. Time to stop acting like mistreated step-children and start making our mark on society in a positive way, with our successes, as business owners, artists, teachers, designers, blue collar workers, doctors, lawyers, etc....none of which have anything to do with our sexuality. Then we can be proud.

[Jack]

I'm proud to be part of the Human Community. That should be good enough.

[Franxesco]

To be or no to be, that is the question! En Mexico como en muchos paises latinoamericanos, lejos de resaltar valores positivos que enorgullezcan a la comunidad LBGT hacen que la gente los vea con desprecio y aborrecimiento, pues se exhiben vestidos como mujeres horrorosas, haciendo desfiguros en la calle frente a familias y niños, van destrozando o robando negocios, pintando graffities, en una palabra vandalismo. Si queresmos ser respetados, hay que aprovechar la oportunidad para mostrar lo mejor de cada persona y como en Canada o USA hasta da gusto ver un Festival (parade) carrozas alegoricas coloridas, vistosas; CORO DE HOMBRES GAY (que elegancia, todos en smoking y que voces), Asoc. de Pilotos Aviadores Gay (que porte y elegancia), Asociacion de Medicos Gay (cuerazos, folleros, uniformados) y asi sucesivamente.

[Alain]

I'm proud that I am aging gracefully. ;)

[Benn]

I second your remarks Mikey. Good job of putting it.

[Cas]

I'm mostly proud that I have been in a great relationship with a great guy for 7 years. I'm also proud that I have finished my law school and landed a great career with the state. I am ready to change the world and make a different in other people's life

[Cas]

So, for me "Pride" is what I felt inside and not a "parade" or an "endless weekend of parties". Pride is so much more than just a meaning of booze, sex, and parties.

[GR]

with the exception of self acceptance, I don't see how "pride" applies to any of these points. you take pride in things you work at to achieve, not things that just are.

a more apt emotion would be gratitude. are gay men getting the meanings of these words mixed up? for the same reasons I'm confused about the phrase "gay pride". I don't see why I would feel pride about being gay anymore than I would feel pride about being a brunette. it just don't make sense.

[Steven Pool]

For me, pride is more of a feeling of being able to accept ones self for who they are. NOT the endless parades, parties, drugs, public sex, and other things that grab the attention of the general public shove our culture in their face. People who make comments about the "fats" and the "flamers" should realize one thing, they are expressing pride. I am a so called "fat" but i am not medically over weight, the only time i am considered over weight is if you look at the BMI, other then that i am considered to be within the "acceptable" range. so i guess my health is one thing to be proud of because i was in worse condition a year ago then i am in now.

[Hot in Chicago]

I am proud that this big beautiful and sometime not so friendly world is becoming more tolerant and accepting. We elected a man who happens to be black and things are changing albeit slowly! We can now marry in this country in few states and now counting!
Out, Proud and ready for more of this kind of stuff you big, beautiful world!

[ck]

Personally, I think gay pride events do more harm than good to our community. Its a freak show, the participants WANT to freak people out... how sad. I stay away from those event, they are an embarassment.

[Laun]

Pride is simply being oneself a person and then accepting that we are gay and a member of a larger community of diverse, interesting, talented group of people from all walks of life and backgrounds.

[Johnzane]

I'm proud of being gay whenever another man kisses me in front of my straight friends. I'm proud to be gay when I'm compelled to inform a woman she is more interested in my wallet than my feelings. I'm proud to be gay when men actually appear to be in love, and not pretending. But I'm especially proud to be gay when I can lead by being an exceptionally fine example.

[Thorn90]

Thanx Bradford, you might just have saved a life, more, if more people like us read this.

Sadly, not many people get that privlage.

Just again, thanx.