Table For One? Tips On Dining Solo

When on the road, we've all had to face the prospect of dining out alone. Many find the experience daunting and isolating. Author Michael Kaminer says it doesn't have to be that way.

Author of four books on the subject, including Taste for Solitude: The Definitive Guide to Solo Dining in New York City, Kaminer tells us how to get the most out of the dining experience when eating alone.

What makes you an expert in dining solo?

I guess my expertise comes from experience. I've always enjoyed dining by myself, but really started appreciating solo dining when I started my business in 1992. After a hectic day, I would very much look forward to a meal out on my own, maybe with a book or magazine, with no distractions. The more I ate in restaurants by myself, the more I noticed how well -- or how poorly -- some places treated solo diners. I started taking notes, and those notes eventually became the basis for a book series called "Table for One," which picked the best restaurants for solo diners in New York, Chicago and L.A.

How does solo dining differ for gay people?

I'm going to make a gross generalization here, but I think a lot of gay people are more adventuresome when it comes to solo activities. I mean, if you've ever walked into a gay bar by yourself, that's like the trial by fire -- dining solo should seem easy by comparison. Another difference is that some gay people prefer to dine solo at an establishment with a gayer clientele, or in a gay neighborhood, because it makes them feel more comfortable. But I've found the opposite can be true; I've had a tough time finding a solo-friendly place in Chelsea, for example.

Which cities have the most solo-friendly restaurants?

New York and San Francisco have a phenomenal number of solo-friendly restaurants. I live in New York and travel to San Francisco often, and I've had amazing experiences in both cities. They're still the capitals for me. That said, I've had great luck finding solo-friendly restaurants all over the world -- Paris, Madrid, Bangkok, Florence, Tokyo, even Rio, where dining is such a social sport. I just spent the weekend in Toronto, and found most places very eager to serve me as a solo diner. On the other hand, I had a tough time in Rome -- people seem to think you're a weirdo if you're not dining with a partner or a group -- and in Montreal, my hometown, where dining out has everything to do with socializing and making the scene.

How should I go about selecting a restaurant when dining alone?

There are a few basic things you should look for. First of all, make sure the place is adequately lit. You'll want to read, and sitting in the dark will make that tough. Second, take a look inside to see if there's an adequate number of small tables. I hate sitting alone in a huge table or banquette. Third, check out the wine list for selections by the glass; most people I know can't polish off a whole bottle. You can also simply call and ask a restaurant if you'll feel comfortable there as a solo diner; most places are pretty honest about it.

You should also keep a few "don'ts" in mind: Don't count on dining at a hot spot or a new restaurant attracting a lot of attention; they usually don't care about serving solo diners. Wait until they cool off. Don't try to dine alone at a restaurant with a drag show or anything interactive; they're designed for groups, and you'll feel lost.

What's your favorite restaurant to dine alone at?

In New York, I eat at Mayrose at 21st and Broadway almost every day. It's kind of an upscale diner with great tables, a terrific counter and a basket of newspapers in case you need something to read. Gotham Bar & Grill is my favorite splurge; no matter how busy they are, they're always incredibly gracious.

Is it inappropriate to bring a book or magazine?

No way. Reading is part of the pleasure of dining solo. What is inappropriate is blabbing on a cell phone throughout your meal. If the person you're talking to is so important, you should have invited them along in the first place. Nothing gets on my nerves more.

When I'm seated, should I have them remove the second place setting?
Most restaurants will remove the second place setting anyway. If they don't, I like to keep it so I have an extra napkin.

What if they give me a bad table?

If you get a bad table -- or if anything else isn't to your liking -- speak up. Some solo diners keep their mouths shut no matter how badly they're being treated because they feel that complaining attracts too much attention. You're still the guest, they're still your host, and it's their responsibility to treat you accordingly, so you have to say something if that doesn't happen.

Is it better to eat at a bar or at a table?

I always prefer a table, but some restaurants -- like Gotham in New York -- have bars that are designed for dining too, so they're not a bad option if tables are packed.

How about communal dining?

Communal dining is like having a meal in economy class on a plane. The minute a restaurant tries to seat me at a communal table, I'm gone.

Do you think that more people are dining solo nowadays compared to five or 10 years ago?

I don't know if it's more people dining solo, but I do know that people are dining solo in more places. Instead of just slinking into diners or sushi bars, men and women are getting more assertive about taking a table for one at really upscale places, or restaurants where it wouldn't occur to you to dine by yourself. There's also more of an awareness among restaurateurs that solo diners should be treated with the same courtesy and respect as a table for two or four or ten. And they're also recognizing that treating solo diners well can pay rewards later; when a restaurant treats me well, I'll come back with another person or a group and spend a lot more.

For more on author Michael Kaminer, visit his website at www.MichaelKaminer.com

Photos: Getty Images

Comments

[Scribetrotter]

Great tips, Michael, thanks!

As a woman who loves to travel solo, I find eating out alone on the road can be daunting at times. Your tips are spot on - and I'd add a few of my own if I could:
- try eating early, when families tend to go out - as a solo woman this might be more comfortable
- check out the restaurant first - if it looks snooty or over the top, I avoid it
- sit outside if you can - many restaurants have outdoor terraces or cafes, and these are often more casual
- and when all else fails, 'act as if' - that's right, act as if you're totally comfortable, even ecstatic at dining solo: if you project super-confidence, the waiters will feel it too.

[Jon]

I eat out alone all the time in Columbus Ohio. I have my favorite restaurants, some being gay oriented and others not, and I always get treated extremely well. I didn't at first, but I'm a really good tipper and always request the same person over so the person knows me when I go in. It's tough to get over that feeling of awkwardness the first few times, but very liberating once you do.

[Todd]

I eat out alone almost all of the time. I have never had a bad experience. In fact, this article surprised me with the idea that it is odd or strange to do so. I'm a genuine person and make friends with the owners, managers and wait staff of the restaurants I visit. I wouldn't hesitate to leave any business if treated poorly. Your money (that is paying for the meal) is just as good as if there were two or more persons at a table.

[Justin]

If I'm going to be dining solo, I usually prefer a place with a comfortable bar. Having worked the restaurant industry in the past, I find that solo diners usually get better service at the bar, as servers are disappointed at the low tip potential for a "one top" while bartenders make their money primarily on solo diners/drinkers and their share of the tip out from the other servers.

As the article noted, a good selection of wines by the glass (or a variety of handcrafted beers on tap) is a good find too. Also, a good selection of appetizers can be appealing since many times an appetizer will be plenty for one person and, when paired with a drink, make a decadent and inexpensive solo treat.

[nutloaf]

These tips are very useful for those whose self-consciousness level is non-existent to moderate. For the rest of us there's really nothing that will remove that discomfort of dining solo. True, a book or magazine helps because you really never know where to look when you're by yourself, but it's no panacea. Frankly, I'm happier just getting take-out and finding some comfortable, secluded spot in which to settle down and consume the meal privately.

[Jenniferwriter]

I dine solo a lot and even though I'm a confident person, at times it can be a bit daunting. It's the one time that I sometimes wish the tip is paid upfront so waitstaff know that I'm a good tipper (if I get good service). I dined last night at Virage in the East Village - a full meal; mussels, beef bourgonion and creme brulee and it was all excellent and the waiter was very nice and the service was good, thus I left a 20 percent tip. Probably the most upscale place I've dined solo was Modern at the MOMA and it was excellent and the staff treated me wonderfully. I can be a bit apprehensive when I first go into a restaurant, but then it goes away. Somtimes, I'll go in and have a drink to scope out a place. If they treat me with respect, I'll ask for a table, or to dine at the bar. I'm certainly not going to let the fact that I'm dining alone stop me from enjoying a great meal out! I also ate earlier this week at Three of Cups on First Ave., and again, great food and great service. One nice thing about the Blackberry, if it's too dark to read a newspaper or magazine or book, I can always read something interesting on my Blackberry - NYT, or Salon or something similar.

[Filipina Girl]

Thanks for sharing these tips because it is very useful to me since I usually prefer touring alone. It gives me hints on how not to feel awkward when I dine alone because I hate the eyes staring at me from the moment I enter the door to eating all by myself. For me another advantage of dining alone is meeting new faces which turns out to be my friends. Dining all by yourself is a pleasure as long you know how to be comfortable with your own skin and do not mind what other people are thinking.