The Wealth Myth

I've often felt as though I don't make enough money to be gay. I earn a decent income, yes -- but the common perception of gay men is they're rolling in disposable cash: spending thousands on designer threads, showing off fabulous homes in luxe interior-decor magazines, and toting their Louis Vuitton luggage onto first-class flights to Ibiza. Keeping up with these gay Joneses is no easy feat.

But heaven knows I tried! I come from working-class people (there are trailer parks in my past), and I've clawed my way into a middling income bracket (barely). However, like a lot of us, I got suckered by the rich-gay-male ideal, and during my twenties, I went into serious debt in order to live larger than I could afford -- as large as I thought being gay required. And I wasn't just trying to keep up to this ideal. I was also overcompensating -- I thought expensive things gave me the value I couldn't find in myself. (Does that sound at all familiar to anyone else?)

Of course, the idea all gay men are wealthy is a myth. My gay friends fill the economic-bracket spectrum; in fact, some recent studies have proved, as a whole, the LGBT community earns substantially less than our straight peers. Even more troubling, this stereotype is now used against us by some socially "conservative" enemies: while the high-living gay jet-setter was once touted to sell luxury-brand ads in gay publications, he's now used to demonstrate we don't really need equal rights (yeah -- I don't quite follow that latter logic either).

I suspect this stereotype has something to do with the fact that, in the recent past, only gays who had earned fame and fortune -- especially in artistic circles -- could afford to come out. So the world began to believe that "rich" went hand-in-hand with "homosexual." And even now, the gay men we tend to read about in magazines or see on TV are rich ones. On "Will and Grace," Will must have been earning seven figures to pay for his lifestyle (and Jack's). The "Queer Eye" guys made expensive tastes seem genetically hard-wired in gay men. I'm not saying that the idealization of wealth is solely a gay thing -- but it has especially affected gay men, who see fewer representations of themselves in popular culture.

For me, the ridiculousness of going into debt for Prada sunglasses and $120 haircuts finally sank in several years ago. Now the global community seems to be moving toward a less-is-more direction (for financial and environmental reasons). The rampant consumerism that has gotten our country's economy into trouble is affecting our community, too. Will spending less and spending wisely even become the new height of gay chic someday? I'm worried for myself and my loved ones as our national financial picture gets bleaker. But perhaps this jolt of reality will change our culture and our self-perceptions in a positive way.

(Photo: Getty Images)

Comments

[Anon]

Thank you so much for this article. I have felt this way for years, and am glad you wrote about this condition. I refuse to buy into all the advertisements telling me I need to wear designer duds, shave all my body hair, and look like a 20 something twink to be wanted by other gay men. Personally, I love gay men who watch their money and are frugal, because that tells me that they have a good head on their shoulders and are not trying to live up to some fantasy ideal the gay world has. Great article!

[Sheldon]

The stereotype has also included the notion that all gay men live in cities on the east or west coasts, don't enjoy sports, are boozers and druggies, are only interested in children as sex objects, are witty, are good dancers, and change partners like underwear.

Guess what? Just because they say it doesn't mean you have to buy into it. The clones were supposed to have disappeared in the '80s. It's a multi-channel, digital cable universe. Find your own niche.

[Joseph]

Sheldon,

Although this article is true in many ways, I do not think it says anything about changing partners, especially here in south Florida. People in south Florida, either do not tend to have a bf, or are just plain jumping from BF to BF, and acting like whores. I believe if we want equal rights we are have to stand up as whole, and start acting like we DESERVE equal rights!

[Sean]

Thank you so much for writing this article. My partner and I do earn a significant income and fall into the higher income brackets, but I have always been made to feel uncomfortable by the conspicuous displays of weath many gay men project. Does it make you better at being gay because you live a life you can't afford? I don't own Prada, Louis Vuitton, or any other couture designer. I save my money, only buy clothes on sale, mow my own grass, change my own spark plugs, and iron my own shirts. I could pay to have these things done, but I take pride in being able to do them myself.

[Andrew]

Thank-you. Money has never been number one in my life. I applaud the ideas expressed. Hopefully all Americans will think before spending to be trendy.
Want what you have,and have what you want.

[Brandon Allen]

Wow, great article. I just want to add that most importantly people should stop trying to fit in at the cost of going into debt. Your clothing, or amount of money doesn't define you. I earn a decent living as well, however I have never spent ridiculous amounts of money like some gay men on clothing. I let my character speak for itself. I always get compliments on my looks, and how I dress. The funny thing is every store I go into I go straight to the back first. CLEARANCE! hahah! So I think its a matter of loving yourself, knowing that you are good enough, and lastly having the confidence that you don't need to keep up with anyone. Just be yourself.

[ROGER JOHN LEWIS]

YOU ARE REFRESHING AND NOT ALONE THE ADVERTISING WORLD EXIST TO MAKE MONEY. YOU ARN'T WILLING TO THROW YOUR MONEY AND MORE IMPORTANTLY, YOUR SPIRIT AT BUSINESS, YOU DON,T GET ON THE COVER. LETS KEEP OUR DIGNITY AND REMAIN CONNECTED THROUH THE NET AND ORGANIZATIONS THAT HELP US ALL KEEP OUR HEADS HIGH AND LETS US MOVE TOWARD FULFILLMENT FOR ALL. IT IS POSSIBLE AND HAS STARTED. YES WE CAN.

[David B.]

Finally!
I was beginning to think I was missing out on some secret gay way of making money, or missed the gay class on how to afford all that SWAG.
I am always amazed at how many of the young men I see out have on the latest clothes. How do they afford that kind of life?
I grew up in a wealthy family, but got cut off when I came out. I learned how to live within my means. For me, that means saving up to go out on my birthday, and make the scene during pride.
I do a lot of entertaining at home. It's way cheaper than going out for dinner and drinks. Plus, my friends who smoke may do so at their leisure.

Here's an idea for you poor gay bois like me.

Gather a group of similar gays who aren't exactly the fabulously wealthy.
You host. Cook a meal, and provide some type of entertainment. Perhaps a poker game, or a pay per view concert.

Each person brings a component of the evening.
Perhaps, some people bring alcahol, and another brings a desert. You get the idea. It doesn't have to be expensive stuff either. Since everyone in the group comes from similar backgrounds, you avoid the need to impress. Just bring something you can afford. Sounds simple enough.

And if you are wealthy, use what you would save by having a night in, and give it to a charity, or pay off some of your personal debt. Either way, you win.

Sorry for rambling, but wanted to add something constructive to help some of those people struggling to figure out a way to have a fun night on a budget.

[Jimmy Peterson]

Thank you!

I feel like I could have written this article. Now that I've "grown up", I don't feel like I have to keep up with the Gay Joneses. I think once we stop buying into the commercial image of gayness we are sold, we finally are free to find our intrinsic value within ourselves. Since I've done that, I've never been happier. You are a true role model for our community, simply for being geniune.

Once again, Thank you.

[Tony]

It is very interesting that you bring up "gay" living and how it is portrayed. It is obvious that the advertising agencies and media have found something to latch on to and give the GLBT community an identity with. The odd part, is that we continue to feed it to them.

More gay men and women are working class, and I too was once living well above my means to look and play the part of a young trendy gay in America. But then I woke up. I realized that simplicity is for me. I found that my happiness was not made at the register of Needless Markup (Neiman Marcus) or at the Kenneth Cole store, but was found inside me. I realized that the priorities were all wrong.

Now, as a 'blue-collar' member of society, I couldn't be happier. I have my house, my truck, my dog, and a loving partner who is even more simple than I am.

I guess, in summary, it is all about internal happiness. Much of these jet-setting, post club, Prada 'gays' are just covering up what is wrong with them inside.

[Jim]

Most myth's are based on fact. The 80's where good times for many, and I believe especially for gay men. It wasn't difficult to work and make a good income, and it didn't cost a couple of days worth of wages to put gas in your car. Many gay men did have more disposable income than their straight counter parts. It was a time when you could tell a gay man from a straight man just by the way they dressed. (I miss that, lol) Many felt they didn't need to save, afterall who did they have to care for except themselves (for the most part). Unfortunately all good things usually do come to an end, and I believe our culture is still struggling with this fact.

[sam]

I have only recently come to terms with my sexuality. Right after I did I assumed I had to spend way out of my means and put myself in debt. Now I am realizing with the help of my partner that over spending is not what it means to be gay. We are happy living within our means, and looking forward to retirement adn spending it together.

[mykalromero]

another non news story about shallow shit

[Wyatt1969again]

Nice article...

Not so fascinating but totally honest and totally true.

Another truth is...over thier lifetimes - Gay guys do have more money...to spend on leisure actvities and whatnot.

Some guys subscribe to what I call the flashy fag channel. So they do own Prada, BCBG (why - I don't know), and more.

But I like to think that some of the boys - especially the pretty ones - are entitled. I dont know that I feel so bad about some perceptions which might crop up when one of my stunning cohorts is seen wearing a trim tailored number - all that.

I mean - personannly - I can fix almost anything and don't mind getting dirty at all - so I guess - while I clean up real nice - at heart I am and always will be a farm boy who cant spell easy words, would rather have a beer with the fellas, but just happens to be Gay - and yes - I am clever.

But when I see some of my beautiful brothers walking about the neighborhood as it were - I whistle and wink just like any other guy and then they either smile or roll their eyes like every other girl.

Do I dig the pretentious fag who thinks, by the age of 25, that he is so smokin - he doesnt have time for me? Hell NO. That's some trick ass shit - we all bleed the same - and leave with no more than we arrived with.

Still - and even my Stright friends agree - looking good isnt a bad thing - especially when your folks passed you some killer genes which seriously help you in the arena of beauty.

My best guy friends have some smokin girls - and they do look to me to produce - some day - a boyfriend who isnt as tall as me - is pretty - and can hold it down. I guess thats how they, in one way, see me - it's a limited compliment in some ways - but it's also cool to know they dont ever expect me to show up with a chick on my arm - and I know they'd have his back like they got mine - with out him earning it like I did.

These mother fuckers are REAL.

Basically...the cats I roll with have no room for a bitch who aint real.

A real bitch - boy or girl - usually throws a smile back instead of a rolling pair of eyes - although we also know - even pretty boys get tired of the same compliment - but we can tell the difference between a dismissive eye roll - or a bullshit eye roll. You get the piont.

A real bitch WILL stop and chat with my dirty ass - all covered with car grease and leaves (cause I aint got no sporty garage).

So I guess what I'm saying is - while money doesnt make the man - sometimes its application - however frivolious - is justifiable.

So if a boy spends $200 on a pair of jeans - and looks good in them - I say keep doin it - and if he's secretly living off of soup because he spends too much?

Well - that's his choice.

Remember - a REAL bitch doesnt ask you to pay his way - he comes along for the ride because he wants to be there too.

[Sean Beaumont]

Hey guys I'm an Atlanta Georgia stud. I work for BofA as a financial guru. And I also have a small online business that I started and I also do massage therapy part time. I agree with many of the thoughts presented by other gay men on this thread. I still agree many gay men do have more disposable income than our straight counterparts. After all we don't have children to raise or support. If educated we tend to have a decent middle income or upper income job. But if we live within our means and set aside funds for saving besides in your 401K then we will do well financially. Of course in this economic downturn, we need to be simplifying our lives, avoiding going out to expensive dinners or drinking with our buddies. I liked the comment about hosting a gathering at my place and having friends bring something sort of a "pot luck". Those are usually appreciated by all included. Inclusion is the all important key. The gay bar limelight and always going out, dressed to impress isn't the important thing. But most gay men like to impress others, maybe it comes from insecurity, perhaps its a way of showing the world and others in the gay community, that you have arrived and you're a survivor. I personally get more satisfaction knowing that I'm saving $200 to $300 a week in the bank. Watching it grow, and also by paying cash for big ticket items, travel, vacations, etc. I have no debts, no mortgage, no car payment. I tend to save my money and pay cash for cars. My only expense is my monthly condo maintenance fee, utilities, food and clothing allowance. I never pay top dollar for things, I also shop the clearance rack. Of course I am also single and live alone, no Boyfriend either. I'm a smart gay man. I have learned to be self sufficient and conservative at the same time. Gays who spend every dime they make and who's only savings is in their 401K is really in for a rude awakening as they draw closer to retirement. Come on guys get real, stop living for the moment and plan for your future! If you'd like to chat or discuss personal finances and money management look for me on yahoo messenger.

Ciao for now,
"SnowBoarderSean69"

[errol in toronto]

I'm in my 30's and on a disability pension. There is no point trying to meet guys anymore because if you can't play in their financial leagues, forget it.

[tomriddlesmate]

THIS ARTICLE IS NAUSEATING! I say FRAUD! This is thinly disguised Advice Columnist prattle. I'm all for people being themselves, but, this is a much larger issue. Those who get sucked into this "all image" gay lifestyle, typically live in the gay ghettos, never stay married for very long, love life in the fast lane, and spend money as if they had it. Just saying to us that "we dont need to conform" doesn't address anything! You are highlighting a symptom, not addressing the major issues...self esteem being one of them.

[Laun]

I agree with this article and the above blogs. You shouldn't have to go crazy tring to fit into a social group because of what your wear, how much you spend, how much you make, where you live. What is important is being REAL, just being yourself and enjoying who you are with. No upstart attitudes or you don't fit in crap. That's what I loved about the 90's it was refereshing everyone's style fit in and everyone had a more carrying opon attitude without being TOO MUSHY, no hidden agendas or motives. Keeping it real.

[pscrman]

If these are real demographic figures then why isn't there a gay web site and publication that caters to the gay middle class? Seems to me that is a much bigger market share than these sites that pander to the upper-crust.

[steeda42]

The comments about South Florida are so true!!! Bed hopping and the druggies /drunks seem to dominate the scene. I just wish people looked in the mirror and realized just how pathetic doing that is. I drink socially about once a month, Have had the same partner for 11 years and have no desire to "play the field to put notches on my bedpost". I choose to stay home so I dont have to see the ugly side of our community with the prissy attitudes and the "I'm better than you,even if my life is plastic" attitude that prevails. Be yourself and not some poster child . Someday you will have to fend for yourself, instead of mooch off others....Jon

[John L]

It is so nice to hear a refreshing Gay voice saying that we don't have to pay for expensive clothes and be "classy" to be Gay. My straight roommate made some comment about that and I answered bluntly, "I don't have to do a damn thing just because I'm gay! I just like men!"

I wonder if being classy is a self-esteem thing. Sure, being "classy"/rich was associated with being gay because only the rich could afford to come out. But I think there may be something deeper and more sinister at work here. Let's face it: our American culture fights tooth and nail to teach the us that we are second class. They have instilled in a lot of our brains that we are a perverse and subversive class of people and that we are just not as "good" as everybody else. I wonder if some Gays buy expensive clothes to feel "classy" and combat that inner feeling of self-loathing that society has made them feel - the feeling that Gays have to work extra hard to be "as good" as everybody else? I dunno; I'm not a psychologist but I just wonder that about us (I wonder that about myself...)

[Adam]

I think someone has gotten tomriddlesmate's panties in a wad this morning, actually most mornings if I'm remembering correctly. You never seem to have anything good to say about anything.

Your profile on gay.com projects you as a happy, funny pervert, but every comment I've read that you've left seems to be filled with venom and hate.

I'm thinking my first assumption is correct and you're a tired, bitter queen with nothing better to do than berate a very well written and insightful article because you feel you can. Grow up Tom and try to stop being so filled with hate. You’ll find that life is much easier that way.

Regarding the article, I think it’s great and something not a lot of people talk about, whether you live in the gay ghetto or in rural America.

[FRANKLIN]

C. Wade's posting on the Gay Wealth Myth was extremely timely. Having just viewed "MILK" I relived a period in my life which was more concerned with survival than with fashion accoutrements. There is, indeed, a gay wealth myth which persists because most of us do not have children and are,indeed, prevented from having them in some states. On the one hand society tells us that we are advantaged because we do not have children and on the other hand they prevent us from having them as, according to Pastor Rick Warren (a southern California Christian Minister and speaker at the Obama inaugural), how we express our love is akin to beastiality and incest. It is true that to compensate for feelings of inferiority many gay persons spend their way to respectability. When that does not work they use anything outside of themselves as a drug to keep from feeling OK about themselves, sex, violence, alcohol/drugs,anything for a rush. We then support media which misrepresents or mocks us pretending to be our friends such as in WILL AND GRACE. Laugh at ourselves, yes, but to be used as fodder to perpetuate gay stereotypes, no. Finally, working class men and women who are gay are responsible themselves to come out of the closet wherever they are, as Harvey Milk counseled awhile back. By being in the closet they are perpetuating the myth of gay wealth themselves as well as all the other bad stuff which the likes of Christian Rick Warren promulgate.

[middleagequeer]

I think a lot of the problem with finances begins when a person comes out. In general, most gay activities center around the bar scene, pride events etc. Young gay people are given no tools in how to "be gay" when they come out. When we go out to bars and social events most of us are going to do our best to make sure we look good in hopes of fitting in, being noticed etc. I have friends who overspend their means at discount stores, just as i have friends who over spend in designer stores. It isnt just a name brand issue. You can go just as broke trying to doll yourself up in discount store knock offs as you can on something with a label. If you are trying to make the outside package cover up the inner insecurities you will never find happiness and will always be broke.

I applaud the poster who suggested hosting things at your home in a more relaxed atmosphere, as well as the one who mentions the clearance racks. If someone went through my closet they would think i had the income of bill gates with all the label names, but what they wont see is that i go to the stores and "shop" not buy a whole lot to find those great deals on the discount racks. I buy stuff out of season and am always a year or two off the "current" fasion trends. I also dont buy stuff that falls into the extremes of trends and tend to try to buy things that i think i look good in and are middle of the road and will be used for a long time. I may wear prada but you dont see that i paid about 10% of what it was origionally priced and i will wash and care for it properly so i have it to wear for a long time. FYI I am on disablity because of AIDS so have a very limited income. if i can spend 20 on a shirt occasionally and use it for two or three years because it is a quality made product, i actually save over buying the $15 shirt at the discount store that is lucky to last one season.

[SecondHandLion]

There are a lot more of us than most realize. Some of us are even living below the poverty level. A lot of us are living in rural areas. When I was younger, I tried reading all of the most popular mags like GQ, The Advocate, OUT, as well as the gay adult mags burgeoning with ads of what gay men are supposed to have, wear, buy & do, including all of the parties & resorts we were supposed to attend. But all I could ever do was read about it. Outside of purchasing a few items from International Male catalogs, all I could afford were a few magazine subscriptions. And after high school & college, those things had to be dropped for more practical things. Heck, I can't even afford to be a gay cowboy & go to rodeos! If there are gays living the lifestyles portrayed in today's movies, TV & current popular mags, then I sure would like to know how they got there. It's too late for me, I know. I'll be lucky if there's enough money to even bury me one day...and I'm the president of the cemetery association...ha!

[Aebren Nelson]

I always wondered why I always seemed poorer than some of the people I hung out with.

Main reasons:

1. I didn't do porn.
2. I don't escort.
3. Don't perform massages with "happy endings".

I thought I was poor until I moved to LA. You should see some of the dumps people will live in to own Gucci sun glasses, prada shoes, and getting hair cuts at Tony and Guy.

Shop Target! LOL

[John]

I think there's a distinction to be made between gay men being wealthy and gay men having disposible income. Companies target us because typically we have much more money available to spend freely - not that we're rich necessarily, but that we aren't paying for big expenditures like family health insurance, clothes and school supplies for kids, child care, or groceries for a whole family instead of one or two.

If we buy a car, we can buy one we want instead of having to think about room for 4 and baby seats.

The perception isn't that we are all wealthy. The perception is that a single gay man making $10 an hour has more money to spend on frivolous/luxury things than a single mother of 2 making the same or even more. It isn't a myth of gay wealth, its a reality of economic situations.

[Joey]

I think most educated gay male professionals do have more disposable income than their straight counterparts simply because most choose not to have children or any dependents.
On the whole, however, I do agree that being 'gay' has come at a price to always look good and fashionable (and with that comes the need to have money to buy all those hip and cool things.) If one can afford that lifestyle, then great! If one cannot, then I don't understand why someone would live beyond his means just to please himself and other people.

[Tircis]

Why did you use the picture of a hipster with a Mac computer as illustration for this article?

[Gary]

I have friends with kids. Many of them ARE resentfully jealous of me because I get to do things, travel, etc. It takes them a long time to admit it. But I say children are a choice and it takes a massive amount of resources and in my world it's not important. Yet all my life straights constantly used to tell me when you have kids........

I personally have felt there just is hardly any commitment in the gay world unless you are incredibly good looking and have a campaign of self promotion. So I say to them not everyone gets what they want.

I have had people try to take advantage of me several times who think that because I can pay my bills it's their god given right to hone in on that. Anything can be justified.

It also irritates me that just because a gay man works hard to get to the top and sacrafices then is picked and criticized for his wealth. With effort and sacrafice comes reward......I probably copied that from someone......

This is one topic I really don't find repulsively shallow but that's my opinion.

[K.]

The associations of gayness and money go back to the period following the renaissance when the rising bourgeois depicted the trappings and manners of the aristocracy as artificial, hence gay. Moe Meyers's Book "The Politics and Poetics of Camp" offers a full reading. You're right that visible people tend to be rich, and therefore visible gays tend to be rich by extension. You might also look at Alan Sinfield's "The Wilde Century" for an explanation of how Oscar Wilde's showy lifestyle came to be the template for how gay men are understood. My point is that this is a longer standing concern than just the past 20 years.

You might look to figures like Edward Carpenter-- an avowed socialist-- or the Gay Liberation Front or ACT-UP for alternative models for a gay social life.

[Adrian L.]

We do it to ourselves sorry gay.com but your one of the biggest promoters of the rich gay lifestyle. you dont think it bothers me a little that you only feature 20 something men in your ads from clothing to vacations advertising things that I can only dream of owning at this point in my career, even the model in your article looks like a gay dream date I am not unnattractive nor am I broke and living on the street but compared to your home page I am lacking in all things that would get me a date. I know we are a varied group of people yet gay.com and plantet out show us in only one light. That this article was published is merely a sign of the times and tomorrow your home page will feature things only a few people really can afford to own. you perpetuate the stereotype so clean up your act and maybe other people will take us more seriously.

[macchias]

I agree that the modern depiction of Oscar Wilde has--somewhat--stained the perception of the gay image--I, as well as my former classmates, always imagined Mr. Wilde with a shimmery velvet suit, vibrant carnations in his breast pocket, and shiny jewelries dangling from his neck and limp wrists.

But such glamor is not the only kind of existence in our gay community, and I appreciate you, Mr. Wade, for writing this wonderful and utterly honest and true article. Thanks.

[Larry]

This article is a revelation if you're 19 years old. But if you have half a brain and hare over 25, it's laughable.

[Marc]

What a great article. It's nice to have some variety in the perspective portrayed in the media about us, even if it's in the gay media. The same stereotypes abound in the information presented by the gay media as the rest of the media. Kudos for publishing this, Planetout! -Media Studies Grad Student, TX

[HypnoToad]

Nice choice of picture: Looks like a posh home, $100 plant, $3000 MACINTOSH COMPUTER (everyone knows those things are grossly overpriced)... I could go on for ages.

Then again, stereotypes aren't new around here.

[Gus]

It's an ok article.
Most gay guys live more like Emmett or Michael and less like Brian or Ted.
Unless we have been down the road of parenthood in our past, we will grow old **if we are lucky** and there will be no family to take care of us. Think the gov'ment will do it...think again.
Instead of a $300 suede swimsuit which gets featured every spring in OUT, drop an extra 300 bucks into your personal retirement fund or solid investments.
When the children of the 80s get old, the booze bus to Ibiza can be packed with happy queers who have money in the bank and not a $300 suede bikini in their photo albums.

[Mario Andre Quiroz]

Hey, this is an awesome article...I am currently "staring out" on my life, and already have mounted alot of debt...in in my early 20's and for some reason, I think that to be a "good" gay guy is to have alot of money and travel aroudn the world. I was really scared...Im striving to become a Cop in the Seattle area, and even though Cops in the states dont make bad dough, I could never keep up with the lifestyle that most gay men have. So reading this article let's take a breath and not stress on "what will my friends think if i cant afford to go to Rio for Carnival or Buenos Aires for Pride?"...thank you!

[Mike F]

As much as i hate to say it, I blame television. To most of the younger gay community all they have to rely on a positive gay image is tv, and we all know tv gays are alwasy rich, druggies, and sluts....

[swim_r]

The few guys I know who have money, work their asses off! People need to get over being jealous of the rewards for hard work already!

If you don't like to see guys with money, get out of the big cities! Go live in a small town! I find it difficult to even find many guys who have a job, vehicle, can afford to go out or even who have a dime to their name!

[Arthur]

Gay men tend to be insecure so they have to do something to show off and feel better about themselves-- so the conspiculously consumer- like straight people who are insecure!!

[Joey]

I dont agree with Adrian L. Adrian L doesnt understand marketing strategies. Sure gay.com could post pictures of out of shape men in very regular scenarios...but it wouldnt sell, then not many people would be attracted to this site. Dont blame any particular website, its just advertisement. Advertisement wants to look good.

As far as the article, one of the best. And I also disagree with Larry...there's guys in their 30's who still are pretentious. I do agree with the article stats, most of the gay guys I've known dont have any money, and if they do its because they are 30 something living with their parents and then lie and decieve the ones they date by making it seem like they have money, car, home....but they dont.

[wallace]

I loved all your comments and all are quite true. I have seen them all. By the way, the picture of the guy in this ad is pretty cute don't you think?? Anyway, What I look for in a man is not what he owns at all, in fact I don't care for snobby rich people who think they're better than anyone. No one will ever know what I have. I like the down to earth guys who act normal and are a blast to be around. The poverty in them seems to bring out the best of their creativeness don't you think. To hold,have alot of laughs and make love is all that really matters to me. Keep your money. I couldn't live your boring lifestyle if I wanted to. I want to have fun and enjoy life. Money is nice if it's with the right person,but I think that you would have to kiss their asses for anything and would have to listen to their moans and groans and meanwhile they don't listen to you at all..............Don't need it honey !

[wallace]

ps I am not a puppet, I am a person !

[Todd]

I "dated" someone who was 21 very briefly who was this typical young gay very obsessed with all things material and AnF, Prada, and whatever other labels named I wasnt even aware too much of. It was apparent very quickly that he only cared what I could maybe bring to the table financially, which I, at the age of 33, certainly couldn't offer much because I was going through one of many trials in my life already without employment upon making a move back to my roots. Users can be such a disappointment and nuisance, but the beauty of them is that you can smell their stink immediately. I wised up that he is looking for a free ride, was running himself into debt to have "designer clothes" and things, living at home to do so, pretending he was gonna be "this" and "that" in his career, all the while moving from one job to the next and not doing what most do...work for a degree to obtain a lifestyle they desire. It became clear he wanted someone else to provide for him. Youth is funny like that, and i think everyone make go through it. Gays, in my experience, take it to a superior (or inferior in my opinion)level. Great article. It's nice to feel I am not alone. Even at 34, I dont know what it means to "be gay". I am just me, and each day I come to accept more that I don't have to be this image we are projected as in mainstream media. Its easier to find, yes. But it wont be rewarding for me. It wont be me.

[Ed]

What a great article. I too went into severe financial problems when I tried to make my ex-partner have everything he wanted. He was very demanding wanting designer clothes and everything that was extremely expensive. I made a very good living but went into financial ruins because of him. I was some jerk. The best thing was he didn't even work and demanded all of the finer things life had to offer. Thank God after 10 years I got rid of him and it has taken me the last 10 years to clear up the mess I was in. So guys buy what you can afford and do not fall into any social trap.

[Cee]

Let's get something straight. There is no rich-gay-male ideal. It's a rich-gay-WHITE-male ideal. That stereotype has never applied to any race, other than gay white men. I'm so tired of gay white people beating around the bush with so many issues like everything applies to everyone. It doesn't. Gay minorities go through so much more than gay white men. We have more to worry about than this BS. You can't even conceive what many of us go through. You have the nerve to sit up on the computer bitching about feeling uncomfortable as a gay man because you are not rolling in cash. That is pretty much how 80% of Americans are feeling right now. You are not special. Doesn't gay.com have anything more interesting/important to discuss?

[JS]

It is very refreshing to see that there are others out there who don't buy into the gay/wealth bull. I am continually shunned by our gay "community" because I don't sport the latest fashions from the latest designers. Apparently generic jeans and cotton tee-shirts from Sears don't fit their cookie-cutter mold of what I should wear. But at the end of the day, my truck is paid for, my boat is paid for (and neither is anything special, but for both I worked extra, saved up, and paid cash), my phone bill is paid, the rent is paid, the heat is still on, etc.

It aggravates me to no end to see an acquaintance out there who just got evicted but wears D&G sunglasses. Maybe a priority evaluation is in order.

In the mean time, I'll idle off into the sunset in my old 92 Chevy while the repo-man (one of my best friends, actually) comes for their Audi. Have fun!

[mark]

I wont be in the dough for a while, if ever... I was married before i came out and have 3 kids to pay child support on..then, i was widowed from a gay partnership, so it's not been an easy road.. but you know what... i am happier poor and a single gay man more than i was when i was married to a gal and rollin in the dough.

[Grits]

I am a 21 (going on 22) year old college student and I see my gay peers who must do the fashion thing. I must admit, I love watching America's Next Top Model and ravishing in all of the fashion pageantry. But I soon come back to my reality that I do not live like that, and frankly for my life, it is not my cup of tea. I refuse to let one part of who I am (i.e. being gay) dictate how I live my life, especially if those dictations are based in pure, unadulterated stereotypes.