Is There a Polite Way to Get Rid of Guests?

Because I wrote an etiquette-advice column for many years, people frequently turn to me when they want to share their woeful (or comical) tales of being victimized by other people’s bad manners—these stories often have a theme that goes something like this: “I have good manners, so someone else’s bad manners made me suffer terribly.”

Of course, it’s true that being polite does mean putting up with minor annoyances gracefully, considering the feelings of other people before your own, and things like that. However, there are ways of politely getting someone else to behave.

Here’s a good case in point: Recently, I’ve heard a spate of stories about guests overstaying their welcome at holiday parties. These gentle hosts exclaim, “I tried everything! I yawned and looked at my watch, and they just didn’t get the hint, so there was nothing I could do.”

The poor dears! Well, I like to tell these people that there is such a thing as “too polite.” When someone is misbehaving (due to ignorance, inattention, or just a few too many cosmos), a well-mannered person can sometimes come to his rescue—in fact, saving him from himself may be the polite thing to do! You aren’t limited to exhausted downward glances in this situation; you can even make a guest feel good as you let her know that it’s time to leave. Here are some simple steps (that are customizable to many similar situations):

1. Start your correctional behavior with a compliment: for instance, “This has been so much fun” or “Thank you for telling us about your trip to Greenland—who knew ice was so fascinating?” or “What a delightful game of Twister that was.”

2. Follow up with a display of generosity: for instance, “Can I get you one last cup of coffee?” or “Are you going to need a taxi to get home?” or “Let me get your shoes for you.”

3. Demonstrate the proper behavior you want to see: for instance, stand up and say how sorry you are that the evening is ending, or smilingly tell your guest to call you as soon as he gets home.

And bad manners should sometimes be dealt with sternly. The guest that becomes obnoxious or refuses to leave shouldn’t be allowed to ruin your party—because having good manners doesn’t mean you have to be a total doormat.

Images courtesy Getty